IVF Mama

Today is 6 days past our 5 day transfer and I'm fighting the urge to take a home pregnancy test. My beta pregnancy test is on Tuesday and although Id like to be beaming with positivity, I just have this feeling it will be negative. I'm sort of preparing myself for it so I'm not entirely devastated.

It's 8 AM and we are eating breakfast in midtown. There's an adorable two year old running around and a little boy in his pajamas rolled out of bed for breakfast. They are so cute. Something so simple and normal to these families looks but a dream to me. How I hope that will be Stephan and I very soon. I want a family.

Breakfast

by Natalie Higginbotham on 8:24 AM

Today is 6 days past our 5 day transfer and I'm fighting the urge to take a home pregnancy test. My beta pregnancy test is on Tuesday an...

All of our ducks are in a row. The lab work is in, the loan is approved, our coordinator is assigned. We are doing IVF in May (assuming there's no bombshells at the ultrasound and HSG next week)! Aaaah!!!!

I'm equal parts excitement, nervousness, and terrified. Time for some daily relaxation yoga sessions for this girl.

Green Light

by Natalie Higginbotham on 2:49 PM

All of our ducks are in a row. The lab work is in, the loan is approved, our coordinator is assigned. We are doing IVF in May (assuming ther...

We had a fundraiser garage sale this past weekend and it was a huge success! We raised just over $1,200 for treatment and i'm beyond thrilled. It was an exhausting day mixed with little sleep and nausea (from the Sprintec perhaps?), but S kept reminding me to drink water and we made it through okay. Can i just stop and say I love my husband? I mean really really love him? Throughout this journey he's been incredibly sound minded, calm, and supportive. I couldn't last a minute without him. I constantly stop and think how wonderfully blessed I am to have him in my life. (I try and remember this when he's driving me crazy as husbands often do) :)

The outpouring of love and support we've received from our friends and family is incredible. What's even more moving is the generosity of complete strangers. It was hard for us to "come out" as infertile, but I'm so relieved we did. Even just knowing there's people thinking of and praying for us is so reassuring.

(In addition, our online fundraiser site has helped us raise about 3,000! So thankfully, we won't have to pay for meds out of pocket, or go into additional debt. A million thank you's to every single person who has supported us.)

Not everything sold, and we donated it to Capital Christian, who is holding a giant yard sale at their church in a couple of weeks. I'll gladly support another cause all whilst getting the leftovers off our hands? - good deal! Good Karma right?? I got a pretty sweet mug set, a vintage looking Old Spaghetti Factory chair I plan on recovering, and a cute vintage looking U.S. Olympics t-shirt. I originally thought S could wear it, but as I tried it on last night, it was clear this was a woman's shirt. I walked out telling S "this is probably more a wife shirt even though it's a little baggy - wouldn't it look cute with a little baby bump under it?" He replied "Anything would." :)

Natalie

Support

by Natalie Higginbotham on 3:36 PM

We had a fundraiser garage sale this past weekend and it was a huge success! We raised just over $1,200 for treatment and i'm beyon...

We had our "next steps" appointment with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist - a fancy term for infertility OBGYN) Dr. G last Thursday. After reviewing our lab work and files again reconfirming the "you need IVF" diagnosis, we were advised to start birth control - Sprintec to be exact - and that my IVF coordinator would be calling to schedule the classes (I believe one is injections and one is an overview of the IVF process) and to get our treatment calendar.

We are approved for our med loan ($11,000 - not including the $3,000 we'll need for meds) and have been advised to let the financial coordinator know by April 28th whether or not we are going to cycle in May. The hubby, "S" went in for some updated blood work after work on Friday, and we're just waiting to get those in before moving forward with our calendar/classes. Our coordinator also mentioned scheduling my baseline ultrasound and an updated HSG (an x-ray where they insert a catheter into your uterus, shoot some saline solution inside, and get an idea if your tubes are blocked or if there's anything funky going on with your uterus). Mine was normal last time, so i'm praying that i've only improved.

I'm anxious to hear back, because 4/28 is quickly approaching and I don't think we'd be doing all these steps if we weren't cycling in May. My cousin, L, generously offered to come with me to this appointment. I will more than likely take her up on this offer. I always need a second set of ears at these things; or maybe I should invest in a recorder? :)

Natalie

Next Steps . . .

by Natalie Higginbotham on 2:57 PM

We had our "next steps" appointment with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist - a fancy term for infertility OBGYN) Dr. G last Th...

It's funny how things change quickly. Decisions for me aren't easy. Whether it's what to eat for dinner, what to wear, and definitely how to face infertility. But in a matter of one night's sleep I changed my mind.

When we received the husband's most recent analysis, noting little to no improvement in the motility category, I think I knew that minute what we needed to do. It was something that we had been fighting, that we had been saying over and over "it's not for us." However, I knew that in the end, i'd be lying to myself if I didn't think I wasn't going to try every possible means to reach my goal of parenthood.

Funny enough, when we decided over breakfast, OK we're for sure moving forward with this, I think we both felt an immense relief. For me, I think a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. IVF has always been a "last resort," "down the line," "later", "maybe when we're 30" thought for us; but, here it was facing us right now.

The many trepidations I have with IVF are still a concern, but they're something i'm willing to risk. I keep reminding myself, "Whatever it takes!"

And, as I sit facing my third nightly dose of birth control pill, I think it's a bit ironic. Sure, i'm worried. Just a month ago I swore over and over that I would NEVER EVER go on the birth control pill again. I was convinced it's what brought on my PCOS (though all my doctors scoff at the idea when I bring it up). I was going to do this the hippy dippy, natural, less invasive, holistic way. Who knows if my ovaries will shut down when this is all said and done, and I'll need another month's worth of acupuncture sessions to jump start their productivity? But - it's a risk i'm willing to take. Seeing the progress i've made, and that I know I can do on my own, without hormones, I have faith that I will be able to restore to my "old self" after IVF (and hopefully childbirth) is over.

Main Concerns:

OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome - not fun)

Wasting 11,000 and ending up with no embryos

Wasting 11,000 ending up pregnant, and miscarrying

Wasting 11,000 ending up not getting pregnant

Debt

Alas, time is of the essence when it comes to my reproductive organs, and i'm ready to be done.

Natalie

Change of Heart

by Natalie Higginbotham on 2:36 PM

It's funny how things change quickly. Decisions for me aren't easy. Whether it's what to eat for dinner, what to wear, and defin...

As this is my first blog post, my thoughts are a little fragmented. I think, however, that the title for this blog is appropriate.

I was listening to Arcade Fire's "Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)" and it will forever stick with me:

They say a watched pot won't ever boil

you can't raise a baby on motor oil

just like a seed down in the soil you gotta give it time.

My husband and I have been struggling to "sprout" new life for almost 2 years now.

I felt it was a good time to start a blog. Hopefully, I'll be able to share my story and get inspiration from others' stories. I follow a couple of other TTC blogs and think it's a great way to connect.

When you're trying to conceive, you get tons of advice. Most of it unwarranted, and all of it just that: advice. I have been told to keep my situation private. That it's too emotional and intimate to share. I think that I feel empowered to share my story. I think the issues at hand (more on that later) are not often spoke of, and infertility should not be kept quiet. We get through this by the support of others.

Natalie